AUNT LUCILLE

Luke 15:8-9 Or what woman, if she has ten silver coins and loses one coin, does not light a lamp, and sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it?  And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost.’

                                
            Aunt Lucile, my daddy’s baby sister, lost her teeth in the lake, while feeding the ducks one afternoon, at the Blair family reunion and never being one to go down defeated, she decided to retrieve her choppers since they were only a month old, and she had not finished paying for them.

Into the waist deep water she jumped, clothes, shoes, hat, and all.  She began scratching in the mud searching for her teeth.   Aunt Lucille bent over headfirst exposing her large, wet rear looking like the ducks around her as they too bobbed for food.  The rest of the family, noticing the commotion at the lake, gradually moved closer to observe just what that dang-nab fool Lucile is up to this time.

When she came up for air, my daddy, Cecil, said, “Lucille, what the H-E-double-toothpicks you doing in that lake with your large, wet bottom exposed to God Almighty in front of our family at the annual reunion, embarrassing you-know-what out of us?  You can see your drawers for Pete’s sake.”

            “I’m just trying to get my choppers back,” she snapped.   “I was feeding these dang ducks and one nipped me on the finger causing me to say some words I didn’t even know I knew.  That son of a duck made my dadburn teeth fall in the water.  I’ve been looking forward to eating Ella’s fried chicken all day and I ain’t about to go gumming the rest of the afternoon.

My cousins and I wanted to join in the search as well and almost made it into the lake before being harnessed by our parents.  Brother Bobby and cousin Rodney did manage to escape the reaching arms, making a huge splash, soaking a couple of furious ladies.

Again, Aunt Lucille bobbed under searching in the mud, emerging for air several times, before ducking in the water again.  After a bit of wallowing in the now muddy lake, she shouted, “I found them!”   About that time, the duck that nipped her in the first place, spying something shining in her hand, quickly flapped his fat body over and with one swift move swallowed the teeth. 

Everyone fell over laughing.

Aunt Lucille fumed.  “I’ll be danged if that son of a…pardon my French... #%*#*#$%&#…duck keeps me from eating Ella's fried chicken,” she yelled.  “Help me, boys, don’t let that duck get away!”  

 Bobby, Rodney, and Aunt Lucille immediately jumped back into the water, scattering the rest of the flock before they grabbed the culprit that ruined her afternoon.

                   We had roast duck added to the menu before the day was over.

                                                       

 Note:  This story is fictitious, although the characters are real.  Knowing our family this could have really happened.  Right cousins?  Truth!

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