BEAU

chapter 2

SMELLIN' PRETTY

That alligator meat sure was good.  Beau's mama fixed us up some in a gumbo.  There never was any better eatin’, the way Beau's mama cooked up things, lessen it was my mamas cookin’.

          After eatin’, Beau and I decided we would mess around the swamp some more fore going to take a swim.  But Beau's mama said no.  She said it was time to start quiltin’ and for us to go fetch the quilt frame from my mama.  I hated it when it was time to quilt.  Beau's mama and my mama and sisters would just' sit and laugh and sew and tell stories forever and bein’ as we were too young to go trap with our papas, we had to do most of the work around the house since they were too busy.  Leon thought that weren't fair.  Said he'd be glad to quilt with my sisters.  Beau said he was sick in the head and a sissy.  Leon said, “If I were you Beau, I wouldn't talk about who was a sissy since you are the one wearin’ them flowery ole' women's britches.”  Before they could start a fight, Beau's mama sent us to get the quilt frame which was over our sheep shed.  I hated climbin’ over them sheep to get the frame down ‘cause of that mean ole' ram.  But Beau said he'd help since he liked climbin’ over the sheep.  Said they looked like nice little fluffy clouds floatin’ near the ground waitin’ to be jumped on.

          When we were inside the shed, Beau said that the ole' quiltin’ frame sticks sure had to put up with a lot, what with havin’ to hear them women giggle and talk 'bout everybody.  Beau said one day he was gonna be one of them sticks and when my sisters started talkin’ 'bout him he was gonna jump up real fast and swat them upside their heads.  Beau started to swat just to show me how and swatted his hand upside a yellow jackets nest and got stung.  I reckon God was telling him he shouldn't talk like that.

          Well, when Beau got stung, he jumped so far that he fell out of the top of that shed and bounced head over heels, swattin’ and yellin’ about them yellow jackets, straight down some boards my paw was savin’ and landed face first right in the middle of a fresh sheep patty.  His bouncin’ caused me to lose my balance, too, and I followed him down.  But good ole' Beau was lookin’ out after me ‘cause he saved me from fallin’ in the same place.  Only trouble was, when I landed on Beau, it caused him to fling his face in the sheep patty again, which made Beau shout so loud that the sheep got scared and started runnin’ and leapin’ everywhere, even on top of me and Beau. 

          Beau sure looked funny in them ole' flowery overalls covered in sheep stuff while he clung to the neck of the ole' ram who had decided we were after his ladies and proceeded to butt us.  Butted Beau so hard that he was flung upside the boards paw was saving' causin’ them to break and fall on his head.  It was then that I saw some red on Beau's face mixed with all that sheep stuff.  “Beau, you been hurt,” I said and ran to find

my maw.  At first Maw just laughed and said that sheep stuff ought to make them flowers on Beau's overalls grow some more.  Said that she never seen two boys get into so much trouble over nothing and made me clean Beau's face ‘cause he was too banged up.  Beau always had a way of getting’ out of doing things for himself.

          I leaned Beau upside the shed and proceeded to clean his face when suddenly, he started twitchin’ and flitchin’ and bouncin’ himself all over the ground.  “Maw, Beau's hurt bad.  He's having a fit.”  I shouted as Beau flung himself at me, shoutin’, “Ants!  I'm covered in ants, you idjit.”  How did I know that ants wanted to be in the same spot Beau wanted to sit on?

          Maw said she could tell Beau was all right now ‘cause he was so full of life.  Beau said it was all my fault that he was all beat up ‘cause I always made him do my work for me.  I told him he was dang dumb and crazy and that being as he was better; he could clean his own self up now.

          When he was cleaned up, Beau didn't look much better what with a black eye on one side of his face and a swollen eye on the other from the sting.  Not to mention all of them ant bites up and down his body.

          Beau just laughed and said he was goin’ home and tell his maw that he and an ole' bobcat were learnin’ to dance and he didn't learn too well.  Said she wouldn't believe the truth anyhow.  How could he blame his troubles on an ole' quiltin’ frame?

          Well, Beau's maw didn't believe that story about the bobcat ‘cause Beau's overalls weren't torn to shreds.  Said Beau musta got into some other kind of trouble and didn't want to tell her about it ‘cause he was covered in mess and stunk.  Said Beau was tryin’ to make her old before her time and that he must have been tryin’ to get rid of them overalls.  Made him put on one of her ole' dresses again and go out back and pound them overalls clean before she put the switch to him.  Beau said that sheep stuff was good for flowers, but Beau's mama said water was better.

          Beau sat there poundin’ his overalls wishin’ his brother, Leon, would hurry up and outgrow his britches so he could get rid of these flowery ones for good.  Maybe his maw could use some of those pelts’ daddy trapped to make him some new overalls, he said, even though he knew better ‘cause she sure could use some of that money for new material for dresses, especially since he was usin’ them dresses up faster than she was.  Just the same, Beau was getting’ mighty tired of wearin’ them ole' sissy flower pants.

 Beau was in the middle of his poundin’ and fussin’ when his paw came over and said he had heard how Beau broke my paw's boards from bouncin’ down them and that

when Beau was through poundin’ his clothes, he'd have to get out of that dress and go help me and paw cut some new boards.  Said that Beau should clean out our sheep shed to help pay for the trouble he caused.  Then he just laughed and said Beau was lookin' more like a girl every day.

          When Beau got to my place, my paw said that he'd rather Beau just cleaned up the sheep shed instead.  Said Beau would probably cause the tree to fall in the wrong direction or split it in two or somethin’.

          So, me and Beau had to clean the shed.  Funny how Beau never got to do these things by himself and that I always seemed to be handy to help him get out of trouble.

          Not only did we have to clean up all the sheep mess and get the quilt frame down, but paw said that all that trash and boards and such should be cleaned out, too, and burned. I said, “Maybe our maws could quilt Beau a new pair of britches.”

© Nippy Blair 2015. Posts and pictures on this blog cannot be copied, downloaded, printed, or used without the permission of the blog owner, Nippy Blair.

 

HOW BEAU GOT HIS NEW BRITCHES

                                             (an original story...Nippy Blair)

                                                               Chapter 1

          He was just a good ole' boy living down in the swamp.  Fair skinned, deep set brown eyes, the darkest tan, and the blackest hair...so black and shiny you could see your own reflection in it ifn’ you looked hard enough.  That was Beau.  Montgomery Beauregard Bordelon.  But everyone called him Beau.  Never saw Beau dressed up.  Always wore those same ole' bib overalls his older brother handed down when he got too big for them.  Had a big patch on the left knee ‘cause Beau was always getting’ into trouble.  Didn't matter much ‘bout that patch, though, ‘cause no one ever came in these parts of the swamp to care how you dressed anyhow.  Beau didn't have any shoes, neither, but that didn't matter ‘cause no one did ceptin’ maybe our maws and paws, and besides ifn’ he did have some there'd be no place to wear ‘em.  They'd just get in the way having to take them off every time we decided to shinny up one of them live oaks.

          I never had any other playmates growin’ up ceptin’ my dumb ole' sisters, Mary, Alice, and Betsy or Beau's older brother, Leon, who was always busy courtin’ Mary or Alice or helping his paw trap nutria to care about playin’ with me.  So, I reckon it was just as good that Beau and I were friends.  Good friends full of fun.

          Being so full of fun sometimes got us into trouble.  Like the time Beau found them alligator eggs over by the “old struck” tree.  We called it that ‘cause this live oak seemed to always be attractin’ lightnin’.  “There's no telling how many times that ole' trees' been struck,” said Paw.  “It’s been struck 12 times since we been livin’ here and there's no telling how many times it was struck before.” 

          Beau was just out trappin’ when he happened upon them eggs.  Couldn't wait to find me.  “John's out fishing with his Paw on further back in the swamp,” my maw told him.  “Won't be back till late,” she said.  Well, that didn't set well with Beau.  Didn't set well atall.  “Can't wait till later,” he said as he hurried off.  “Don't matter if I am alone,” he shouted over his shoulder as he ran home to gather his knife and other weapons, he thought he might need.  “Besides, I ain't afraid of no mean ole' mama gator,” he said to himself.

          When I got home, Maw told me Beau was just lookin’ for me and was all excited, I hurried to find him ‘cause I knew good times was just around the corner.  Caught him over by “struck” tree, but Beau was too busy concentratin’ to even know I was around. 

          I thought I'd have some fun of my own with ole' Beau, so I started sneakin’ up on him.  I climbed in the tree thinkin’ ‘bout pouncing on him when it happened.  That ole' mama gator was bellowin’ and rushin’ straight for Beau.  I clung to that tree tighter ‘en a tick on a hound dog ready to help Beau if he needed me.  Good thing I was there to look out after him, or you never would have known anythin’ about my ole' buddy Beau. 

Don't reckon they would have ever found his body.  You see, Beau was just reachin’ that last egg when the ole' gal rushed up on him a bellowin’ so loud that Beau just' froze to the spot. Why mud and sweat was all over Beau's body as he rushed out of that water.  That ole' mother just kept on comin’ after Beau and by the time he was through dancin’ with that ole' mama gator he was fit to be tied.  And then “WHUMP!”  She was down upon him, and they proceeded to tango.  First, they rolled left two or three times, then back to the right, then back to the left again.  Beau was doin’ good holdin’ that ole' mama gators mouth shut and dancin’ all over when he spied me clingin’ to the tree ready to help.  That upset Beau so much that he let go and started hollerin’ ‘bout me or something.  Couldn't understand what he was sayin’ but he was probably sayin’ how glad he was to see me.  Just as I was 'bout to help him that ole' mama just slapped him plumb upside a cypress tree with her tail.  Lands, you never saw such a pitiful sight in all your born days after that mama gator flung him clean up to heaven.  Shook things so hard, I thought ole' “struck” had been struck again and me in it.  Nearly fell out of that ole' tree.  But Beau was tough and wanted them eggs bad and besides he wern't 'bout to give up now.  So, he proceeded to shoutin’ something about me again, but I was too busy clingin’ to that shakin’ tree trying to keep my balance that I didn't listen too well.

          Beau, lookin’ mad spotted the knife I dropped, grabbed it, and leaped upon that ole' gator and begun thrustin’ his knife in her belly...weren't long 'fore she was lyin’ still...and so was Beau.  Scared me to death, it did.  Beau just kept lyin’ there and lyin’ there with mud and sweat and blood all over his body.  I shouted his name over and over as I climbed down the tree.  “Beau, Beau.  Can I hep ya?  Beau, can you hear me?”  But Beau didn't move a muscle.  So, I took a stick and poked him one under his left arm to roll him over.  Beau rolled over so fast shoutin’ at me that I thought for sure that ole' mama gator had flung me clean up to heaven too.  I started a hollerin’, “Help.  Help.  Hallelujah!  I'm coming to Jesus.”   Beau just doubled over with laughter.  Said it served me right.  That rascal weren't hurt, except fer a few scratches.  After dryin’ the tears away from our eyes from laughin’, I gave Beau a good look.  “Land them overall,” I shouted.  “Beau, your mama's gonna have a heap of sewin’ to do tonight,” I said.  “Or else your brother's gonna outgrow his britches again mighty fast.”  After we finished laughin’ some more, Beau discovered that all them alligator eggs had been rolled over while all that wrestlin’ was going on.  Not even one of them was good fer nothin’.

          After the shock of losin’ them eggs, we both just sat down and laughed some more.  Took us the better part of the afternoon, time we skinned that gator and cut up the meat we intended to take home.  Both of us had to turn her over so Beau could cut the belly skin down each side to the back legs.  Beau said we had to be careful not to mess up that skin any worse that all those knives slashed already done.  Just the same, he let me rip around the legs and slice it down to the tail.  Said he sure hoped we could get a fair price for it.  Beau was careful to cut a steak or two from the tail for his mama.  The rest was throwd back into the swamp for the other gators or the buzzards that were waitin’ fer us to finish.  Beau sure was countin’ on that meat to help soothe his mama’s.

anger.  But it didn't.  I let Beau walk in by himself so as not to take all the credit for savin’ Beau myself or disturb his mama no more.

          Beau's mama just took one look at that boy and them overalls and headed him out behind the outhouse and proceeded to thrash him good with a willow branch that he had to get for her.  Said she didn't want to wait for his paw to come home...and then she marched him back to the house holdin’ his right ear very tight and made him put one of her dresses on while she tried to find enough patches to patch, never givin’ him a chance to tell how I saved his life. 

          The next morning Beau got to tell the whole story, since his paw and older brother had come home.  Beau sure was grateful to finally get it off his chest.  He proceeded to tell his version of the whole story in detail.  Spent the rest of the mornin’ re-living that experience and all the while his paw just rolled with laughter.  Weren't too long before Beau's maw and the rest of the family were laughin’ too.  Partly cause of the ridiculous way Beau looked in that dress as he told the story.  I was mad that he left out the part of me saving him.

          I didn't see Beau again for two or three days but his brother, Leon, told me that Beau was alright.  “Jus' won't come outside in maw's dress.  Don't blame him none, being as how he looks so sissy,” he said.

 And that's how come Beau got him a new pair of britches.  Beau said it didn'tmatter if they were out of his sister's ole' flowery dress cause nobody would see him ceptin’ us and the swamp critters.  “Besides,” he said, “I just' might be able to track and trap them critters better if they think I'm just a bunch of flowers.”  But I could tell Beau thought them new britches stunk.Beau's maw said she was gonna save what's left of them ole' britches and put them in a quilt so she can be reminded of that ole' mama gator that almost flung her baby to heaven.  CHAPTER 2 NEXT WEEK

© Nippy Blair 2015. Posts and pictures on this blog cannot be copied, downloaded, printed, or used without the permission of the blog owner, Nippy Blair.

  Mama and the Air Conditioner

 So here it was, the beginning of July in the middle 1950's and it was hot.  So hot that mama kept mumbling, “Springs sprung, Fall's fell, Summer's here and it's hotter than hell.” 

We were miserable. The heat that summer was unbearable.  Sure, we had been in our new house out in the country for only a couple of years.  “It's cooler in the country, you know,” daddy said when we built this ranch style house.  “Yet, we are still hot,” mama said.  “You'll get used to it,” daddy said.  Mama didn't.  “It’s designed to catch cross breezes,” he said.  She disagreed.

 She asked for ceiling fans.  “Too expensive to have all those fans,” daddy replied.  “Besides, there are still things that have not been finished yet, like the barn being built, or the dog pen for my hunting dogs.  I don't even have a decent place to fatten a hog.   Remember, we have lots of windows opposite each other and tons of air circulation.  Open them all up.  You'll be all right.”    

Mama huffed from the room saying under her breath, “The wind doesn't always seem to favor blowing all the time for our pleasure, you old skinflint.  We are hot, you miserable old tightwad.”   Mama was more determined than ever to be cooler.  The next week, while daddy was in Baton Rouge taking care of state business as a state Representative, she researched air conditioners for the windows.  She had men come out and measure and quote prices, carefully writing down all the details and different estimates.  She presented them to daddy when he returned.  Taking one look at them he said, “Are you kidding?  That is too expensive.”  This really made mama hot.  No, mama didn't “glow” like all true southern women.  Nor was she the type of hot where you sweat buckets.   She was so hot her blood boiled.

  To everyone else, life seemed to be fine for the Blairs.   Daddy had been elected to the State House of Representatives and making a life for himself.    Even his business, Blair's Pest Control, was going well, for him at least.  He didn't need air conditioning at the house, he had it at his office, and he wasn't home that much anymore since he spent a great deal of time at the state capital which had air conditioning.  When he was home, he was outdoors on his tractor, planting or harvesting the cotton and corn we grew on what is now Mohon Street and Brame Junior High School.  And if he wasn't there then he was out playing politician. 

     

  We were the ones who had to suffer!   

 Meanwhile, mama stopped cooking steaks and big meals using the oven thinking that would make him change his mind.  No, he began to eat at Effie's Restaurant with his cronies, while we ate peanut butter sandwiches.  Nothing seemed to work.  Meanwhile, the barn wasn't being built; the dogs still had their little pen, and the hogs shared the barn lot with the cows.  Daddy continued finding ways to not get things done.  He was too busy, politicking, or he had to go hunting or fishing, were his excuses.   Mama just got madder.

 One day, in early August, daddy came home with a brand-new bass boat, the latest model.  It had all the bells and whistles, wonderful motor.  Everything a fine fisherman needed to enjoy on his days off.   

         Mama hit the ceiling but held her tongue.

 Two weeks later, the legislative session began, and daddy left for Baton Rouge.  The first thing mama did was call the dealer that gave the most expensive quote and ordered air conditioners.  She told them to install window units in all three bedrooms, the dining room and living room as well as the laundry room and to send the bill to Blair's Pest Control where it would be paid promptly.  “Oh, and please write at the top of the ticket, in bold letters, 'Thanks for the bass boat.'  We love it,” she told them.  They did.

    

Daddy never said another word and we no longer had to wring our sheets out every morning after waking.  Life was cool for all the Blairs.  I think my daddy learned a lesson that day. 

   Daddy learned to never underestimate the power of a hot, mad woman.

© Nippy Blair 2015. Posts and pictures on this blog cannot be copied, downloaded, printed, or used without the permission of the blog owner, Nippy Blair.